


Please, don't go.

by marinvm



Series: deancas s14. [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas loves Dean, Dean Loves Cas, Episode: s13e23 Let the Good Times Roll, First Kiss, I'm so sorry, It's kind of sad, M/M, NOT IN THIS THO, They keep leaving each other every freaking time, They love each other so much, dean and cas talk, episode:13x23 coda, the writers won't make them happy, then I'll make them happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 06:00:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14731292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marinvm/pseuds/marinvm
Summary: In which, Dean and Cas actually talk before Dean says yes to Michael.





	Please, don't go.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, guys  
> I feel like I should give all of you some fair warning before letting you go ahead with this: this thing over here is my very first destiel fic but English is not my first language so please forgive me in advanced for all the grammatical mistakes you are gonna see. I actually proofread before posting this time ( usually, I never proofread so yay me lol) but grammar is a bitch and I hate it.  
> Anyway, I really really hope you like this little thing I wrote instead of studying for an exam I'm surely gonna fail and keep in mind that I'm so open to critics of any kind so please don't hesitate in telling me this story actually sucks.l  
> I'm gonna stop this rant right now, hope you like it, thanks for the attention, whatever  
> Mxx

Cas hoped it was just a bad dream, one of those terrible nightmares that kept him awake at night when he was just a homeless and pathetic human, followed by multiple panic attacks and wrecking breakdowns. 

Because he couldn’t believe, he didn’t want to believe, that all of that was happening for real. He couldn’t believe what Dean was actually suggesting to do like if they’ve never been on that road before and they didn’t know the consequences, the impact, that this choice would have had on their lives.

“ With me … you’d be stronger than you’ve ever been” Dean kept saying and his voice was firm and decisive like if he was talking about his favorite pie instead of saying yes to one of the most powerful archangel of all times.

“Oh, I know what you are.” Michael said and Cas made his hands into fists to keep himself from stabbing his blade right into his chest. He knew it would have done nothing to him but it would have made Cas feel a lot better.

“If we work together … can we beat Lucifer?”

“Dean … “ Cas tried to stop him but Dean wasn’t listening to him anymore.

“CAN WE?”

Michael slightly tilted his head to one side and it was as clear as the water how much he was enjoying all of this and how things were going exactly as he had planned. “We’d have a chance.”

Cas shook his head and took a step towards Dean, starting to say “Dean, you can’t…” but once again the hunter interrupted him in the middle of the sentence, turning around to finally look at him in the eyes.

“Lucifer has Sam, he has Jack …. Cas, I don’t have a choice!!”

They looked at each other for a brief moment before Dean turned around to look at Michael again. “If we do this, it’s a one time deal. I’m in charge, you are the engine  but I’m behind the wheel. Understand?”

The archangel didn’t say anything, he just stood there and smiled smugly and Cas felt a wave of anger rising inside of him and he seriously wanted to punch him, to stab him, to hurt him … anything that could take that awful smile off his face for good.

“Good. Give us a moment” Dean said and before Cas could actually register what was happening, Dean was looking at him again and he was nodding towards the corridor next to the kitchen. Cas got the silent message and he left the war room without wasting any time, with Dean following right behind him.

When they both were out of Michael’s sight, Cas was ready to fight and scream and cry because he couldn’t believe that Dean was really taking in consideration the idea of saying yes, not after everything they’ve been through, not after everything they’ve told each other so many times. Cas didn’t care at all if Dean wanted to do it, he didn’t care if he’d already made up his mind and there were so many things he wanted to say in that moment, all those things he’d wanted to say for a very long time but never had enough courage to do so, and he was so ready to let everything out but when he turned around to face Dean, nothing came out of his mouth expect for a muffled noise of surprise because Dean Winchester was kissing him.

It was like Cas’s brain went off for a second. He couldn’t think about anything else but Dean’s soft lips on his own and all the things he wanted to say were suddenly gone, disappeared from his mind. Nothing mattered anymore because Dean was actually kissing him and it wasn't a dream and Cas wasn't just imagining it ...no, it was all real and it was perfect and Cas wasn't sure how to handle all those feelings anymore, all those overwhelming emotions which were quickly turning him into a shivering mess. But he seriously needed to stop thinking so much right now so, after the initial shock, Cas closed his eyes, he let his body relaxed against Dean’s and just like that he was kissing him back. Dean smiled a little against Cas’s lips and he took the angel’s  face in his hands, holding it like if it was some rare piece of glass and if Dean wasn’t careful enough it would break at any moment.

The thing was, Cas didn’t want that. He didn’t want Dean to hold back and be careful or gentle, he didn’t want that ... not right now, at least. He wanted Dean to kiss him like if his life was depending on it, because that was their first kiss but it could also be their last and Cas was determined to make the best out of it.

Reluctantly, Cas pulled away from the hunter, both with heavy breathing and flushed cheeks. “ I’m not gonna break, Dean.” Cas whispered, with still Dean’s hands around his face.

“I just …” Dean started to say but Cas didn’t let him finish that sentece, shutting him down with a nod of his head.

“Dean, it's just you and me, now. Don't think about anything else.”

And that was it. 

Dean was kissing him again, this time with much more passion and hunger than the first time. Cas grabbed the collar of Dean’s shirt and he pulled him closer because he desperately needed that, he desperately needed Dean to keep touching him and kissing him and he didn’t want him to stop, he never wanted him to stop and he tried to keep his mind vigilant and remember everything about this moment, from Dean’s soft lips to the sounds that he made every time Cas touched the right spots.

And then, Dean was pushing him against the wall behind them, slowly and without breaking off the kiss. Cas shivered a little bit and put his arms around Dean’s neck, pulling him even closer than he already was and Dean pressed his body against his and they both moaned in each other’s mouths and Cas felt his legs trembled and everything around him was spinning so wildly because it was too much, it was all too much.

All those times that Cas had found himself thinking and dreaming about this moment, none of his fantasies could have actually prepared him for what he was feeling right now, because kissing Dean was like getting the chance to fly again and Cas loved that, he loved that feeling and if he could choose how to spend the rest how his life he would choose kissing Dean over anything else.

They stood there, kissing and moaning and grinding against each other for an incredible amount of time, forgetting for a moment about the archangel in the war room waiting for them. It was like nothing bad was happening, it was just the two of them, finally expressing their feelings. But that wasn’t the reality and Cas knew that, he knew everything was about to end and there was nothing he could do to prevent it.

Dean slowly pulled away from him and Cas opened his eyes to find Dean looking at him, while catching his breath and even though the kiss was over none of them moved away from the other, savoring that intimacy for a little while longer and since nobody was actually talking Cas took the opportunity to put his hand on Dean’s chest, right where his heart was just to feel it, just to feel how alive it was.

“I don’t want you to go.” Cas said and his voice was trembling while saying it. ”So, please ... don’t go.”

“I don’t want to go either.” Dean said shaking his head.

“Then don’t. We can find another way to fix this.”

“Cas … “

“I’m so tired of watching you leaving me, Dean.”

Dean smiled sadly at that and when he spoke again his voice was shaking as well.

"Yeah, we do this a lot, uhm? But we also come back to each other every time, no matter what, you always come back to me and I always come back to you so why would it be any different now?”

Cas closed his eyes and shook his head over and over again, biting his own lips to keep himself from saying something or starting crying, he really didn’t know anymore, because things were so different now and Michael was so strong and nothing good would come out of this situation and Cas wasn’t ready to watch Dean leaving him again, he would never be ready for a pain like that not matter how many times it kept happening.

Dean’s hand cupped Cas’s right cheek and he stroked it gently and Cas leaned into the contact and his eyes were closed while he was trying to think about anything but the archangel waiting in the war room.

“Have you ever been to the beach, Cas?”

The angel opened his eyes just to blink them a couple of times, confusion written all over his face. "The beach?”

“Yeah, the beach, you know? Lots of sand, incredible amount of water, people use to go there in the summer and I've heard you can swim too whe-“

“I know what a beach is, Dean” Cas rolled his eyes at the sarcasm in Dean's voice even in a delicate moment like this” I don't understand why you are asking me such thing, right now!”

“Because I’ve never been to the beach before, not even when I was little and I saw all the kids going there with their families, not even when my mom was alive and my dad was live and Sam was just a toddler. But I would love to, I would love to go there with you and Sam and Jack and Mom and Bobby and Charlie. We would have picnics on the beach, play water games and then we would swim in the ocean and eat lots of ice cream and we would watch the sun going down, sitting next to the biggest campfire ever. You would love it, we all would … but we can’t have all these things if Lucifer is still out there, alive and that’s why I have to do this, Cas.” 

Cas kept shaking his head and Dean had to take his face between his hands again to make the angel look at him in the eyes.” I will come back, Cas and I will take you to the beach and we’ll be so happy and everything will be fine, I promise!”

Cas grabbed Dean from his shoulders and he pulled him in and he hugged him so tight while burying his face in his neck and Dean was hugging him back kissing every inch of Cas’s skin he could see and touch and reach.

“I … just wanted you to know …. that I … I lo-“

“No” Cas moved away from Dean so he could look at his face again. “No, Dean. Don’t you dare say it, I don’t wanna hear it like this, like if you are about to say goodbye to me and there wouldn’t be any other chance for you to say it but this okay? You will come back and then we will go the beach and we will have tons of moments like this and only then, only then you can tell me, Dean … okay?”

Dean closed his eyes and nodded and then all the magic was over because they were walking back to the war room and Cas was holding Dean’s hand so tight he was surprised that it didn’t fall on the floor. Michael was right where they left him minutes ago, holding himself up against the column with the same arrogant smile on his face.

Cas stopped walking, letting go of Dean’s hand who kept approaching Michael, without turning to look at him not a single time.

“We have a deal?” Dean asked

“We have a deal” Michael said.

Cas didn’t want to watch anymore and he was about to look away from the whole scene when Dean turned around one last time. He looked at him and he smiled, he smiled for real, and Cas tried to smile back but he knew it was something impossible right now, so he simply nodded a couple of times and he tried to put all the hope, all the love he felt for him in his eyes.

Dean smiled one last time before shifting his focus on Michael again.

And that was the last time that Cas saw Dean, **his Dean** , smiling at him like that.


End file.
